It’s Earth Day and cold as hell today in Texas which has put a hurt on my Harley riding plans! Sure could use some Global Warming today. @#&* liberal environmentalists could screw up an orgy at the Playboy Mansion! Enjoy this perennial Earf Day post. I’m pissed.

Hello happy root huggers! It’s Comrade AWD reporting from the Casa de Amor backyard where we are smoking the hell out of some pork ribs celebrating Earth Day! So far, the annual pig smoker has turned into a 3-alarm fire call…but that’s all right! We’ve got more pork and my town has more gas-guzzlin’ fire trucks!

The Fire Chief finally rolled up and told the assembled firefighters, “I told y’all it was just AWD f-ing around because it’s Earth Day! Hey AWD, how’s your mama’n em?”

Oh, you have to love Earth Day! It’s the enviro-tards equivalent of Kwanzaa. Both are made up holidays and were invented by criminals. The cat who invented Earth Day is Ira Eichhorn who killed his girlfriend and locked her body in a chest. Turned her into compost and then invented Earth Day. Then he fled America and is currently residing with the comm-a-nist Eurotrash kissing trees. He could at least buried her body so she could provide nutrients to the plants!

Which reminds me. What would Earth Day be without these sensitive types?

Damn! I love that video! If I could find out there the next Earth First tree lovefest is taking place, I’d show up with a chainsaw to liven up the festivities!

A local tree said:

“I wish someone would take a chainsaw to my ass so I don’t have to listen to those Earth First tools yelling and scaring the hell out of my saplings every year! Hell, it’s always been my dream to end up being part of a nice house, anyway!”

AWD has enjoyed Earth Day today the way I do each year. I filled up the pickup and put my right boot on the floor board all day! Air conditioning running full-speed, of course. It got so cold I even had to pull over to put on a ski parka. I’ve put about as much carbon in the environment as Michael Moore after a all-you-can-graze Mezcan buffet!

To honor Earth Day, AWD has uncovered 5 little-known facts about the celebration:

  1. Environmentalists are worthless to civilization. They smell like a compost heap and have less intelligence.
  2. Earth Day was invented by a comm-a-nist murderer who smells like a compost heap.  With less intelligence.
  3. Earth Day results in more carbon released into the atmosphere than any other day as normal people use more electricity on this day than the rest of the year combined just to piss off comm-a-nist environmentalists who smell like a compost heap.
  4. All the carbon released into the atmosphere does not damage the Earth one little damn bit!
  5. AWD is the best hog smoker in the world and puts out more carbon cooking pork on his smoker than Al Gore puts out on his private jet in a decade!

I hope you’ll share all those fun facts with all your environmentalist neighbors (if you live outside of Texas) and tell them AWD is doing his part on Earth Day! I hope you too have helped celebrate this wonderful celebration of Mother Earth.

I think I’m going to go chop down a tree.


Related Posts