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HI, AWD HERE, I CAN’T WORK TODAY BECAUSE I GOT MY PERIOD

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GET YOUR ASS TO WORK!

I wish these damn liberals would make up their minds! Is there zero difference between men and women or not? Or is there not any difference between men with penises who believe they’re women or women with tingly parts who want to pretend they have a big ol’ man thing? It’s so damn confusing keeping up with all this sh*t, AWD has about worked himself into a little ol’ tizzy!

I might just need to take me a nice soothing lavender-scented bubble bath to center my chi in the warm confines of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader dressing room. No, I don’t identify as a woman unless it’s a woman with a big ol’ man thing. But I would identify as a woman if it will get me in a room with a bunch of nekkid Cowboy cheerleaders. Don’t you oppress me, you haters!

Where’s all this menstrual period leave nonsense coming from? Well, I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count because you’d say San Francisco and Nueva Jork. No, it’s Italy. I crap you negative. Just what those lazy little fuzz balls need…more time off of work! No working sorry bastids!

Leave it up to those little fuzzy foreigners over in Europastan to come up with something so damn ridiculous as giving fillies time off for bleeding! Next thing they’ll want is a national holiday for moisturizing. Like they have in San Francisco.

From the Englishter newspaper The Sun:

Italy could soon become the first Western country to offer paid ‘menstrual leave’ to women who experience painful periods.

The country’s parliament has been discussing the measure, which would mean companies have to offer three paid days off each month to women who get bad aches.

This is just bullish*t! Fillies have been crying that they’re not paid as much as men, have to work harder, and are held to higher standards in the workplace. Well, tough noogies, sweet cheeks! I’m a man. Ain’t got time to bleed! I rest my case. Score one for America.

Well, better toughen up little American girly buttercups if you think this menstrual theater nonsense is going to get you off of work so you can go get your little silly mani/pedi after having your tingly zone waxed! Guess again.

Hell, AWD scratched his knuckles draining the primary on his Harley last night. Here’s my call into work the next day:

“I don’t think I’ll be making it in today, boss. And yes, it’ll take three days to recover. You can call me down in Hill Country riding the Twisted Sisters. I’ll be recovering, you understand. And my filly will be riding backseat (b*tch). No, she’s not bleeding. Yes, yes, of course she’ll be wearing a tube top!”

Well, my guess is that menstrual leave sh*t won’t flush in the USA because we have equality here. Unless you’re a straight white guy. Then you don’t matter. But even so, something tells me the girly men types would invent some kind of male menstrual study to get them off work. I’m sure the pillow biters in San Fran or NYC will come up with some gay-i-fied excuse to not work. Maybe in those burgs May is Poofter Month or something.

But, you know? AWD will take him a day off of work any damn time I can! I don’t care what the situation. I’d celebrate ISIS Day if it meant I could stay home and not have to slug it out in the bloody world of the plumbing fixtures industry. Malcolm X Day? Love it, white devils! Let my big ass off of work! I mean, how am I to adequately reflect upon social injustice if I’m stuck selling bidets to big ass bufforillas at Home Depot?

Either way, let me tell you. People is crazy. And Italians appear to be more crazy than the rest. Even for fuzzy little foreigners. Or maybe just lazier with better imaginations. But you have to give them points for trying to become even more lazy, even if just for the benefit of bloody fillies.

If I was an Italian dude, I’d request some vacation time for blue cajones or some ailment having to do with the male crotchular region. I’m using medical terminology there, goat ropers. You know, just to keep it on an equal playing field as women on periods. If fillies get three days for bleeding, well then, swollen up cajones the size of basketballs certainly deserve the same time off consideration.

The question would be how to prove one is actually on their period or having a massive attack of blue balls without checking? If it would get my ass off work, I’d report back to work after three days with softballs crammed down my pants and tell them I have not yet recovered and need some more time off. Been going through a dry spell and am looking for some supa-sexy treatment, baybah.

Of course, if the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders would stop playing their silly games and end that stupid restraining order, they could help the Big Sexy out with his medical condition in the locker room jacuzzi. But when have women ever not been selfish?

Like I said, I don’t know if women = men or if that only counts in the bathrooms at Target anymore. I would gladly cut my hand or forehead and spew blood all over the plumbing fixture racks of my competitors if it would get me a few days off! But liberals need to make up their minds. Fillies and men are all the same or we’re not.

But I will tell y’all one damn thing. Italy is crazy and the Pope has once again betrayed us. This sh*t ain’t right.

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