It must be tedious for Hillary getting home to one of the Clinton mansions watching the maid clean up unsmoked but used cigars after she’s been away on another weekender with Huma. So Hillary is announcing…TADA!…she’s coming out of the closet…err…woods. Actually, everyone has known Hillary is a lebanese now for decades. Allah only knows what she does in the woods! Somebody call PETA!

Sporting her new ‘Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones circa 1964’ haircut, Hillary spoke to an, according to the NY Times, “overflow” crowd in some Gawdforsaken place called Scrotum, Pennsylvania. It was overflow because it was Denny’s Two Grand Slam Breakfasts For One night. She told the crowd of pancake munching families:

No, I made that up. She only uses that accent on black Denny’s crowds.

She said (remember, this is from the NY Times so it’s pretty much guaranteed to be false):

“I’m like a lot of my friends right now. I have a hard time watching the news, I’ll confess. I am ready to come out of the woods and to help shine a light on what is already happening around kitchen tables, at dinners like this.”

What’s happening around kitchen tables are sighs of relief and shouts of joy that Trump won the election! That and wondering how they’ll keep feeding their families after 8 years of Obama! Oh, that’s right. Food Stamps! Obama was great at putting people on Food Stamps.

We know we haven’t heard the last of the Clintoons. Hillary is said to be running for Mayor of Ciudad de Nueva Jork. A socialist/globalist hack replacing a communist. Awesome. Sucks to be you, Nueva Jork!

But we know the Clintons won’t be happy until Hillary gets another run at the White House. She’ll first have to tomahawk chop Fauxcahontas Elizabeth Warren for the nomination. No offense, but Warren looks like she’s retarded. I mean, no offense to retarded people. Of course, when she talks she removes all doubt. So yeah, let two old, privileged, uber-wealthy cracka women run. One totally corrupt and one totally retarded. Oh, and also corrupt. It’ll be fun watching them kick each other in the cankles during the primary.

And all Trump has to do is beat the Republicans and he’s got an easy run to a second term. The Democrats will keep beating themselves. Kind of like Pee Wee Herman in an dirty book store.

And after Hillary is pining for the fjords and gone to that great burning in Hell, our children and grandchildren will have to contend with that beastly Clinton offspring, Chelsea. Who, by the way, was just placed on the Board of Directors of Expedia. You know, because she’s just so gosh-darn awesome!

No more Bushes. No more Kennedy’s. And definitely no more Clintons! Haven’t we suffered enough?

America is definitely tarrrrred! Of Hillary!

Since Hillary apparently has joined a Stones tribute band with that haircut, let’s have some Rolling Stones Music That Doesn’t Suck tonight.

Here’s Sympathy For The Devil (written for Hillary). You can see Hillary actually playing piano on this one!

And, of course, Honky Tonk Women. Hillary was already dead and had been replace by Mick Taylor on guitar.

It’s Only Rock and Roll


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