AWD, Conservative Thought, Random Posts, War on America, War on Christianity, War on Men / Feminazis, War on Our Military

I WOULD PULL FOR ISIS OVER CAROLINA!

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Pray with me.

Dear Lord,

I know we’ve been a little sideways for a while. But it’s not my fault! You just had to go and put all them commandments in place. Wasn’t my idea! All yours, Big Guy! Now, I don’t have a problem with most of the top ten commandments. I haven’t killed anybody. Yet. And I don’t have a problem stealing or….well, I can’t remember any of those other commandments but I’m pretty sure I’m OK with them too.

I admit that AWD had the morals of a drunk Mezcan post divorce a few years ago but even you can’t really blame me? Have you ever seen the fillies that live in Dallas? Well, of course you have but probably not out honky-tonkin’ and such. If you didn’t want AWD to get all worked up, why did you invent tight jeans and cowboy boots for women? No American man outside of San Francisco or Nueva Jork could resist that! Or Chapel Hill! Again, it was you. Not me.

So tonight, I’m willing to forget about all those commandments there is NO way AWD can keep and call it even if you’ll do one thing for ye olde Big Sexy:

PLEASE MAKE THOSE @#*& BLUE SCUMBELLY COMM-A-NISTS FROM CAROLINA LOSE TONIGHT!

I know you hate UNC. Hell, we all do! Carolina hates free speech, guns, Christians, and pick up trucks. Their students are those little gay guys who ride bicycles all over the road in their little gay bicycle costumes with their little gay fingerless gloves and gay little bicycle shoes and gay little bicycle helmets and those gay little pants that make them look like gay little poofters! And Carolina students must sign a contract that says they will be Democrats and hate America. Lord, I know that pisses you off greatly!

But tonight is a big night and I’m not sure Villanova has the horses to beat those cheatin’ ass bastids from UNC-CHeat! We need some divine intervention to put a big ol’ whammy on the Tar Holes!

You gotta understand how important this is to half of North Carolina. We’d gladly pull for ISIS or Iran over the Tar Holes. We like ISIS and Iran better.

If you grant this little prayer of defeat for Carolina, AWD will promise to abandon my sinful ways of chasing women. For a while, anyway. But you have to admit a little while of keeping the commandments is better than none at all, yes?

Well, OK then! Make Villanova win and I’m all yours for a few weeks. Or days.

Amen.

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9 Comments

  1. Repent Sinner,,,,Repent!

    What’s happening here?
    He’s seen the Light, felt the Touch, and heard the Word !!!
    DAMN,,,,,never occurred to me that this could happen!

  2. Your faith will make it so, mustard seed. I’m really busy tonight, apparently some guy named Comey has been leaving voicemails for HRC. She has been jabbering at me constantly between and apparently during runs to the restroom. Huma just sent me a god tweet basically implying that she never really did believe in Allah. Plus I’ve always had affection for Villanova. That Jay Wright was some of my better work. Damn that man is handsome. Peace be with you.

  3. Ask and you shall receive.

  4. I’m just thrilled that the Reds won opening day with a meh team! Pulled a few good outfield plays too, to knock off the Phillies!

  5. And He intervened. And it was good. Let the repentance begin.

    • Motus, dammit! But I’m glad my prayer was answered. God too hates the Blue Scumbelly Tar Holes!

      awd

      • I suppose there is no need to remind you of your promise. Let them fillies alone for a few weeks, eat healthy, light on the booze, take a walk, read a bit, and perhaps some mild exercise to fight off the demons. And, oh by the way, would you mind writing a shama-lama-ding-dong article? It’s been so long.

  6. Spurwing Plover

    Boycott San Francisco,Seattle and NYC this summer

  7. Thank goodness! People who aren’t from North Carolina have no idea how retarded, liberal, and stuck-up these tarholes are. I can’t imagine Harvard and Yale grads being this annoying but I guess it’s possible.

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