AWD, Conservative Thought, Illegal Immigration, Islam, Random Posts, War on America

IF YOU’RE A MOTORCYCLE RIDER, THESE CARS AND DRIVERS WILL KILL YOU!

Advertisement

RANDOM GIRL WHO SAW AWD’S HARLEY AND WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM

It’s warming up and time for saddling up on your scooter. AWD rides quite a bit. Know this. If you drive a car when I’m on my Harley, I hate your guts! Because you are going to try and kill me. It’s my job to get inside your little mushy brain and figure out how and when you will try and kill me.

AWD and the Filly are making the pilgrimage to Sturgis this August. I went in 2015. We will worship at the Mecca of Motorcycles and do what we infidels who ride bikes do. I don’t think Allah will approve. And I really care, anyways! Anyone going up there, let me know.

A good friend of mine who was once a motorcycle cop told me there are two basic car drivers when it comes to riding motorcycles:

1. Those who don’t see you
2. Those who want to kill you

Riding a bike is much different than driving a car because one must constantly think on a motorcycle. This eliminates about 95% of drivers in America from riding a motorcycle. As bad as people drive, they compound their poor skills by texting and other destructive habits! As well as being on the flat left end of the Bell Curve.

Motorcycle riders have to constantly watch and play “what if?” while trying to have escape routes to steer to safety should that @#&* minivan suddenly swerve into your lane (which it will). Mini van drivers, however, can drive, text, talk on the phone, and put on makeup simultaneously without worrying too much about the damage they may cause by their activities. You can wreck a car and be OK. Crash on a bike and you’re going to get hurt.

AWD has been taking mental notes on the drivers to stay clear of if you happen to be out riding your sled. I’ve come up with a threat matrix for motorcycle riders. There is no particular order to these and I’m sure I’ll step on a lot of toes if a reader happens to drive one of these makes. Or is one of these ethnic groups. BFD! Maybe it will make you start paying more attention to motorcycle riders. So here goes:

  • Volvos – AWD’s brother (who races motorcycles) says that people buy the safest car on the road for a reason. I agree. Usually middle age or older people drive Volvos so their mental faculties have gone to crap. Plus, they are probably listening to NPR. And smoking a pipe. And asleep. AWD got run over by a woman-driven Volvo last July. Luckily, the damage was just cosmetic because her illegal U-turn took place at 20 mph.
  • Audis – Audi drivers are assholes. I guess if there’s an “Asshole Magazine,” Audi has the centerfold ad. You can bet that if there is a car swerving all over the road driving dangerously fast in congested traffic, it will be most likely be some Audi jerk! They have no concern for anyone else on the road. I hate all Audi drivers and go out of my way to stay far from them!
  • Mini vans – Mini van drivers speak for themselves. I will curse Lee Iacocca through the eternities for inventing these boxes of death on wheels! You can’t see around them and mini-van drivers apparently can’t see through the windshield.
  • Muscle Cars – Mustangs, Camaros, Chargers, etc. Usually driven by a young white male with something to prove. And that something to prove is they are a moron who likes to go real fast and crash into things. These guys never drive the speed limit. And they are not bright. They usually end up donating organs.
  • Cars with temporary tags – I don’t know what it is, maybe they haven’t figured out how to drive that ’04 Taurus but drivers with paper tags are a disaster zone going somewhere to run over something.
  • SUV’s – most are driven by moms with a little more style than mini van driving moms. They are packed with kids and too large for a small mom to drive. She can’t see the road or what’s around her. Nor does she care. Couple that with a surgically implanted iPhone attached to her melon bitching about her husband to her tennis girlfriend and she will flat run your ass over. And probably keep going.
  • Chinese – Dayum, dayum, DAYUM! There’s a reason those little bug humpers over there have ridden bicycles for millions of years. Driving and Chinese go together like Hillary and Top Secret emails! And Chinese are everywhere these days! Like the old joke goes: Know how to blind a Chinese person? Put a windshield in front of their face! Chinese immigrants should be made to drive rickshaws on back roads in exchange for entry into the USA. 
  • Illegal aliens – Look for the ’04 Taurus with a missing bumper and windows made of duck taped plastic and you’re coming up on an illegal. Since most illegals in America come from the uneducated outbacks of the Third World, they have no idea of traffic laws and/or driving rules and/or courtesy. If you see a 1984 EconoVan with ladders strapped all over it, watch out, rider! Pee-dro and his compadres are slow-clogging up the fast lane while drinking a six pack or two of cerveza after painting a few hundred apartments that day. You are in great peril! I have seen three hit and runs in the past 2 years with illegals at the wheel. Almost as bad as Chinese drivers. But Chinese have newer cars.
  • The Old Man In The Hat – AAAAAHHHHH! He will generally have a bumper sticker that says “Let Me Tell You About My Grandchildren” on his Buick or Crown Victoria. Well, you can walk beside him while he tells you about his grands and great-grands because he will never exceed 10 mph! And his old man hat wearing ass will be firmly attached to the fast lane!
  • The Old Lady In The Buick – Same damn thing. Except worse.
  • Muslims – AWD has yet to pass someone wearing a diaper on their head that is not texting or talking on their cell phone. They may be communicating coordinates for a mortar attack or something, I don’t know. But they will suddenly change over three lanes without signal or warning. Maybe it’s a plan to get rid of a few infidels on Harleys without raising too many eyebrows. Muslims don’t let women drive in their countries. Why should we? Alihu Crash-bar!
  • Teen Age Girls – Again, needs no explanation. They don’t have the experience to drive plus they will run through a tank of gas on a single text. Today, I almost got clipped by a white-privileged teen driving a Mini Cooper had I not been onto her game! 
  • Taxis and Airport SUVs – Usually driven by Hadji from Islamabad. Texting, swerving, driving slow then speeding up, they are an IED on wheels. 
  • Foreigners in General – If they did not grow up driving in America, I guaran-damn-tee you they will suck behind the wheel. There are no exceptions to this rule.
  • Drivers with Obama and Democrat Stickers – These come in two flavors and are usually either freaky types who probably ate too many drugs in the 60’s to think straight or are implants from California. The freaky tortured hippie types usually drive a car that would have been Car of the Month back during Cash for Clunkers days or a @#&* Prius. The California types…well, hell…you know.

AWD has given numerous glares, a few fingers, and at least one verbal beat down to those on this list. I am a very safe rider who takes extra caution on the road. We put over 1200 miles on our bikes while up in Sturgis in 2015 without even a scare. There were an estimated 1 million bikes there this year for the 75th Anniversary of the Sturgis rally but sadly 13 riders didn’t come home.

If you ride a bike (not a 10 speed in your little gay bicycle costume, Lance), feel free to add to AWD’s list of hazardous drivers on the road. I love my Harley and am having a blast, especially in the cool evenings when the temperature here in Texas dips to a refreshing 95. My Filly has abandoned her designer sh*t for Harley-wear and looks and feels pretty good riding behind me. If I can just find a Harley tube top for her, we’re in bidness!

Safe riding!

awd

 

Advertisement

40 Comments

  1. Tube top?! She don’t need no stinkin tube top! Make her ride bare back like a real biker chick!

    Watch out for the open road dreamers, (you were one once) they will crowd you right off the road tryin to get a closer look at your ride.

  2. Contractor vehicles.

    The overloaded, dusty, paint-stained, battle-scarred pickup pulling the overloaded trailer? Those guys saw it was 2:59, shut down, chucked everything in at random and tore ass outta there. You never know what’s going to come flying out of those things, but you don’t want to be anywhere behind or beside them.

  3. blue haired old ladys that cant see over the dash.

  4. how did you miss BMW drivers—They are A-holes no matter what you are driving

  5. You forgot:
    1 Cars with yankee plates driving in southern states…tourists and most likely democrats (especially new englanders). You know they’re probably idiots when you find the in the left lane doing just under the posted speed limit (or 52 anywhere).
    2 Cars with Flori-Duh plates. See #1.
    3 Pennsylvania plates are mostly only dangerous on entrance ramps as they haven’t realized that you need to get up to highway speeds to successfully merge into traffic traveling highway speed.
    4 Muscle cars with ground effects packages, after market spoilers (the more spoilers the lower the IQ), and SUVs with low profile tires. Add “rimz” over 20″, gaudy two-tone paint (usually black and a garrishly neon shade), and/or poorly aligned stick-on fender vents (or any other plasti-chrome wal-mart accessory) to any of those listed and you’re in the presence of some real stupid.
    5 Any car listed above sporting a Obama, Hillary, Jeb or HBCU bumper sticker. They’re too busy looking at the instructions on their visor (inhale, exhale, blink, repeat). If you see one of these DO NOT attempt to pass! They are entirely too stupid and the chances of a collision have greatly increased.

    • Dude, I live in Ohio and I can tell you, anyone with a Pennsylvania plate, especially on the Ohio Turnpike, is certifiable. They’re crazy.

      • Disgusted Caucasian

        Holy Sh!t…I’m from Pennsylvania AND I own a Mustang GT….I must be so hated.

        • DC, you’re only now figuring that out?

          • Disgusted Caucasian

            For the save AWD…i bought a place deep in red state territory and am in transition to leave Taxsylvania. Also, I’ve been riding since I was in my teens.

          • DC, you have proven yourself worthy. I’m heading in Sturgis in August. Let me know if you are going.

            awd

  6. White Buicks…BMW…PICK-ups with three or four guys coming from work.

  7. Yep …fer sure riding cycle can get ya into quite a Pickle…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g266Uwp6ZnI

    ride on Dude ride on..
    jigg

  8. Rebelpatriot

    I gave up my bike for all the dangers you all came up with. Especially after seeing a physical rehab facility. I miss my motorcycle, but I can tell you, I would miss walking on my own even more. There are just to many self-absorbed a-holes on the road who could give a shit less about you. They would hit you and keep on going without a second thought. I’m not even talking about drunk drivers. Good luck to all you motorcycle riders.

  9. A few years ago the company I work for won a bike from a local dealer. I took a truck to get it, about 30 miles away. While the owner was filling out the paperwork I spent some time walking around the shop, oohing and aahing all the bikes he had. When he came back, I told him, “I’ve never ridden a bike in my life but seeing all of these makes me want to get one.” He looked at me and said, “This is going to sound strange coming from a guy that owns a motorcycle shop, but if you’ve never ridden one, don’t start now, it is too dangerous. It was always dangerous, but with cell phones now, bikes are just targets going down the highway.” That always stuck with me.

  10. Here you are driving down the street and minding your own business when you realize the traffic is getting slower, and slower, and slower. You keep trying to see what has blocked your travel route when you finally see them. There in front of three cars in front of you is a gang of about 300 bicyclists. They are riding their 3000 dollar light-weight bikes in their spandex and wussy helmets. All laughing and shooting the cars the finger screaming, “we have a right to the road also”. You suffer for a block or two going 15 mph. You are just about to kill someone when you hear an engine roar. You look in your rear view mirror and see a “pedro’ in a baseball cap and drinking a Tecate beer and speeding toward the rear of your car. He has a wild look in his eye (the other one has a patch on it). He revs the motor on his 1991 Honda civic sedan which has been decked out like a piñata at a whore house. He has the Christmas tree deodorant hanger on his mirror and wears muscle shirt with a skull and cross bones on it. He swerves his car just in time to miss your car and the other three and you see his car bore into the mass of ’18 speed’ bikes throwing riders 20 feet in the air. You notice he yells something in Spanish, waves his beer can out his driver side window, and sped through more bikes and riders. Soon he disappears in a cloud of dust and curse words he drags a bike and screaming rider under his car as he drove off. About 30 people are writhing on the ground screaming and moaning. Some are clutching their expensive bikes and crying. Pieces of bikes and people are everywhere. You stop your vehicle before the mess begins and just sit knowing this Mexican has just made your day. You begin to giggle and laugh out loud.

    • You should have finished Julio’s job for him and finished off the cyclists with judicious use of the forward and reverse gears.

  11. The one`s that want to kill you, You mean the Entitlement crowd or driving while entitled. I haul steel in the chicago to cleveland area. I drive like I have NO right to be on that road. People have no clue as to how dangerous my truck really is, its a good thing its against the law to carry a loaded gun in the cab. I would be in prison right now. they just don`t give a shit if they kill somebody, I saw a guy step out a foot over the white line on the Ohio tpk. he got hit by a semi and four cars, nobody would move over for his disabled truck. The cars were so close behind the semi they didn`t even know what they hit. Ohio troopers had to chase them down after the fact. and don`t even get me going on knee-grow drivers. you know the ones looking to get paid,
    they make millions suing trucking companies. over bullshit they caused on purpose. In cleveland I have stopped my truck and set the brakes in the middle of a major intersection and called the cops because someone snuck in on my right turn and i would turn into them. total setup. at the right intersection you just can`t do a jug and they wait a couple of blocks away

  12. In my early 20s, I decided I had to have a motorcycle. I was in love with a dude that rode, I wanted to be a biker babe. My parents called it the donor-cycle. I had lots of fun, but many, many close calls until a serious crash three years later that totaled the bike, shaved off a pound or so of skin, cracked my shoulder blade and broke my collarbone. That was 20 years ago or so, and I’ve never been back on a motorcycle since. I tell people I like to quit while I’m ahead, but in truth, I’ve been deathly afraid of them ever since.

    The hardest fact to swallow is that you have absolutely, positively no control over any of your fellow drivers that you listed above. Big rigs, that is one not on your list. They hate motorcycles with a passion. Knew of a dude that tried to lane split between two on the interstate. He took a huge risk, knowing what he was doing wasn’t smart or safe to do. That’s the problem right there. Nothing in life is perfectly safe, and I think we all need to remember that. I’m not sure who said it first, but in order to truly ride, you must risk dying.

    My best advice is take the Motorcycle Safety Foundation course if you haven’t already. If you do you will be made aware things about motorcycling that you would never have thought of. And please wear proper safety gear regardless of the weather. There is nothing stupider than the people who ride motorcycles in shorts, flip flops, and just a t-shirt. Nothing. …except the scantily-clad girlfriends who ride on the back of these bikes in shorts, tube top and heels. They won’t look too sexy after a crash.

    I understand the itch you need to scratch. I did so myself. Make a list of things that will scratch that itch without risking not seeing your kids grow older to have their own kids.

    Above all, be safe AWD.

  13. Some years ago, I went to Egypt. That was a lesion. I saw how all the Arabs and taxi drivers learned their driving skills. Believe it or not, they drive better here. There, I was on a six lane road, but with twelve lanes of cars. The red lights only mean to slow down, not stop. No car was without a dent or scrape. The speed limit was as fast as you can go, even down town. No one stopped for a school bus, so you had small kids dodging in and out of traffic. The only thing that shut down the road was when a woman stepped out in full head to tail coverage, black cloth, that stopped everything.

  14. Pointy End Out

    2 points:
    1- we were taught over and over and over to “drive defensively”.
    I learned that on a bike you ” drive paranoid”.

    2- BMWs. The difference between a beemer and a rose bush?
    The rose bush has its pricks on the outside….

  15. started riding when I was 16……experience has taught me to trust no one in a cage…..no one…….

    as soon as you think ok fate will jump up and bite you in the ass….and I mean it……

    intersections are the most dangerous places for a rider……next, parking lots………

    I’ve had people actually see me and still pull out right in front of me…….had some pull out and I’d see them laughing because they knew I was the one who would pay the price if we collided……..

    trust no one……and I mean no one when riding……..

  16. You bikers stay alert and enjoy your ride… one of my best friends has walked with a cane for over thirty years thanks to a little old lady who pulled out in front of him.

    Btw… can someone fit Obama with concrete boots. LOL

  17. The car ahead of you with pot smoke drifting out. Especially the ones with so much coming out that you can get a good buzz just following them for a couple miles.

  18. Remember the little warning signs ‘Baby on Board’ swinging on the rear window of virtually every soccer bus in America? I do. Almost got run over by one while walking to the post office. She never saw me. All I saw was the backend of a van with the little sign merrily swinging from side to side as she sped off.

  19. Spurwing Plover

    Saw one of this idiot on a bicycle racing through the streets of some city running a red light and colliding with a bus

  20. I drive a minivan and am very aware of motorcyclists. Probably because I usually don’t use my phone while driving.

  21. AWD,

    Funny ass article except for the casualties mentioned.

    I occasionally take my wife’s minivan to work (what can I say, 4 large young men in the house) and always back off for motor cycles. I learned to drive in my grand parents extra long rural driveway when I was 12, unbeknownst to my mom, but it was the easiest thing I ever did.

    Most drivers are poor for various reasons, I agree, but like a good musician, you can make any instrument sound good or, like a good driver, it doesn’t matter what you drive…

  22. Another very dangerous group out there is Cops. They are busy fingering their computers and phones while driving and don’t bother to look up when they want to lane change. I kicked a county police car’s front door when he changed lanes on top of me bumping my bike. Then he doest realize he hit me and keeps driving. I didn’t go down but it was close and I had cop car paint on my now bent engine guard. When I do get him to pull over he get very abusive. I had the foresight to dial my neighbor who is a GSP and drop my phone in my shirt pocket with the speaker phone on. Within 3 minutes I had a gun drawn on me from other county cops that had shown up. Five minutes after that the GSP comes in and takes over the investigation. They impounded the county cop’s car and wrote him a improper lane change ticket. I got a new tag and painted my bike soon after that.

  23. This article totally rocks! I agree with Audis, seems like they own the road or they are being chased by devils whenever I see them on the road hat they don’t care about the other people around them.

  24. Albert Ackerman

    You can add motorcycle/bikers to the top of your list of bad drivers. While I agree with many of your descriptions of bad drivers (minus the overt racist stereotypes you mention), they all pale in comparison to bikers. Though not all, I’ve never seen a group of drivers swerve in and out, fail to signal, or drive more recklessly than bikers. I had a biker try to split me and another vehicle side by side because he didn’t want to wait in traffic like everyone else. I was going 55mph! While you’re out having a good time, remember the rules apply to you too. I’d like to see a bumper sticker say “Watch out for RECKLESS motorcycles.” More accurate and reflects why motorists need to drive extra cautious.

  25. Old Bicycle Dude

    Beemers are BMW brand slow suicide motorcycles, like Hardly’s but quieter.

    BMW autos, like my X5 diesel, are Bimmers, a portmanteau of BMW and Immer, German ‘always’, for BMW Always.

    We traded our VW diesel a few months before DieselGate, exchanging it for the larger and safer 6000# X5, inspired by an OTR tractor driver-bully that wanted my lane and showed Milady Wife his 1″ wheel nuts up close in the passenger window. Might makes right.

    OTR tractors > BMW X5 > VW Jetta > HD > bicycle. It is not inconceivable that I have bicycled 100K miles on the road as I stopped counting at 50K miles in 2004. So I don’t have a problem with dead motorcyclists and self-righteous ones are the best. Schadenfreude!

  26. Sarge the Annihilator

    Dude, I hate to tell you this. you can`t lump people in to groups, Everybody SUCKS But the worst drivers are Democrats, Why you ask me. Because the Mot**%$rs drive like you owe them something. I have never spoken to them, well nothing nice anyway. I can just tell. Now I traded the Harleys for Kenworths years ago. you’d be shocked to know Idiots treat a Semi just like a motorcycle. and being a steel driving man you’d think people would respect the 50k round coil sitting all alone on this big ass trailer. that by the way will kill your ass dead. dude you’d be so wrong. Happy trails Dude.

  27. sixstringer1000

    When I was reading this, and came to the part about the “Old man in the hat”, I spit up coffee all over the keyboard.
    I ride as well, and have been since I was 16.
    My father never really imparted much in terms of advice, but he did however tell me one thing over and over that has proven many many times to be 100% true.
    He told me to always stay away from getting behind, or anywhere near an old man wearing a hat while driving.
    You really hit that nail on the head.
    Ride safe Brother, Hope to see ya at Sturgis this year.

  28. Pingback: IF YOU’RE A MOTORCYCLE RIDER, THESE CARS AND DRIVERS WILL KILL YOU!

  29. Winston Wolf

    I drive for a living and have been riding scooters for decades. I agree that Audi drivers suck, but the most arrogant dipstick car drivers on the road are in a BMW every time. Hooptie pilots win the award for erratic operation, including the famous 3 lane freeway swoop to the exit ramp, usually while on a sail foam. However, they are mere amateurs compared to dump truck drivers. Here in Ohio in order to get a job driving a dump you have to have a commercial drivers license plus a minimum of 3 verifiable accidents.

  30. Quartierleblanc

    The funniest one is about Asian drivers, especially Asian women. I once worked with an Asian woman who was a fabulous person. She drove a Suburban and the only thing you could see was just the top of her above the steering wheel. It looked like the burb was driving itself.

  31. Been riding on the roads for 43 years.
    I taught my kids one rule to survive: assume every car on the roads is not only driven by an idiot, but that every car on the road is going to try to kill you.that is the only way to survive.
    Its serious shit. Like playing high speed chess!

  32. JWINTHEDESERT

    SNOWBIRDS IN PHOENIX…CALIFORNIANS ON THE RIVER…MEXICANS LATE FOR THEIR 8-DOLLAR-AN-HOUR JOB IN SOUTH PHX IN THE MORNING.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*