What? Don’t imams have clocks in Islam? Don’t imams wear watches? Doesn’t anybody over there have an hour glass or something? Maybe a sun dial? What is it with those fuzzy little varmints over there in Allah land? Every day AWD hears from some bass-ackward Muslim leader flapping his pie-hole about the “ushering in of the 12th Imam” and how he will destroy America and Israel, the Great and Little Satans! Well, I wish the 12th Imam would hurry up and usher his slow ass into action…I’m getting sick and tired of waiting around! Let’s go, 12th Imam…meter’s running, ya ig’nant bastid!
Today, another savage little fuzzball Muslim leader in robes Joooos will be exterminated when the 12th Imam returns.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell somebody that believes in your stupid hocus pocus, Hadji! Last week, it was Syria that was going to spur the return. Before that, it was some other middle east hellhole that was going to spur the return of the 12th Imam! Before that, it was Muslim womerns wearing western clothing that was going to spur the return!
Know what I think? I think this 12th Imam cat is lost! He’s as lost as a woman trying to remember where she parked her car at the mall. Or maybe he’s on a two-month drunk or something! Hell, he could be following the NASCAR circuit and got drunk as a whale poot in Talledega for all we know. Or maybe he thinks he’s the 13th Imam and is also waiting for the return of the 12th Imam. Maybe this “spurring in” of the 12th Imam is exactly what needs to happen….like sticking a spur in his butt to get his lazy ass out of bed and return, for heaven’s sake!
You know, Muslims don’t appear to be very bright. You can’t be bright and believe all the sh*t they believe. Let’s face it, anyone who can be made to believe that by blowing themselves up and killing innocent people will win them 72 virgins in heaven isn’t going to cure cancer anytime soon. Also, I mean, let’s face it…does anyone really want 72 virgins anyway? Maybe a few would do to spice things up but, for the Big Sexy, I like my womerns a tad on the trashy side, baybah.
So I have a great idea to calm things down in the wacky world of Islam! All we have to do is slip in a fake 12th Imam…it’s not like they have a picture of him….to get those terrorizing sumbitches to settle down over there. Or get those terrorist bastids laid. With a woman. For once.
The fake 12th Imam would have to be good…we need to put some careful thought into this…somebody that really plays the part of the 12th Imam well. No, not Michael Moore. Those Arab whack jobs might think they’re being attacked by Jabba the Hutt. Aha! I’ve got it! The Iron Sheik! Yes! It has to be the Iron Sheik! He’s perfect. He’s from Iran and speaks that godawful savage language nobody can understand…he’s just the fake 12th Imam we need!
So here’s the plan. We parachute the Sheik with a bull horn into Tehran saying “All right all you camel humpers..I’m the 12th Imam and I have finally returned…late as hell…but I have returned nonetheless and I am pissed!” There would be massive confusion and those terrorist bastids would be crapping their burqas! Then we have the Sheik say something like:
“Verily, I say unto you diaper-heads, Allah has told me to get my ass down here and settle you mutts down! Allah said if y’all blow up one more person or thing, there ain’t gonna be NO virgins…or trashy womerns either…waiting for you up in paradise! In fact, Allah says he’s a Pentacostal these days so y’all just cut out all that terrorism sh*t and start handling you some poisonous snakes!”
I’m telling you right now, AWD ought to be running the CIA! I’d have those camel humpers running around in circles! How does the AWD continually do it? It’s a gift.
So, real 12th Imam, just stay wherever the hell you are! If you’re laid up with a bunch of infield NASCAR sluts in Talledega..just stay there! We’re tired of waiting around for your slow, drunk ass! You had us, you lost us! And we don’t need no stinkin’ 12th Imam around anyway. We have the Iron Sheik!
Maybe they can have a big ol’ Return Of The 12th Imam party and do the holy Dance Of The 1000 Imams!