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MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT LINCOLN CAR COMMERCIAL?

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"IF ONLY THESE FINGERS HELD A BIG ASS DOOBIE!"

“IF ONLY THESE FINGERS HELD A BIG ASS DOOBIE!”

AWD has never wanted to drive a Lincoln before. I’ve never wanted to take drugs, either. But damn! That Matthew McConaughey car commercial has me itching to do both! It seems that a new Lincoln and a few doobs of the diggity dang work wonders for Matthew!

I have to give it to those NYC ad writers. Just when you didn’t think tv commercials could get any worse/insulting/weird, Lincoln breaks out Matthew McConaughey out toolin’ around in the middle of nowhere solving the mysteries of the universe.

Here’s Matt eyeball to eyeball with a longhorn.

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I’m sure there’s some deep meaning in this commercial about the existential competition/harmony of man and beast. Or the Jungian psychological concept of introvert/extrovert between Matthew and the bull. Or maybe the bull was just standing in the road because he got outside the fence. Maybe Lincoln can work in Matt ruminating over the age old Freudian debate between disk breaking and anti-lock brakes in the next commercial.

Funny thing about this spot is it doesn’t say sh*t about the car! It’s just Matthew riding around. Maybe he sounds so weird because he just got lost after smoking copious amounts of weed. Or maybe because he’s from Austin. But I repeat myself.

AWD is pretty damn sure Matthew McConaughey went to UT and lives in Austin. That means he’s nuttier than squirrel poop! And him riding somewhere/nowhere in his Lincoln debating why a cow stands in the road isn’t exactly making me want to go out and buy a Lincoln minivan. Especially when I can flatten that sumbitch longhorn with my F150 anytime I want.

Ford ought to do a commercial with AWD riding around Dallas! I guarandamntee you it wouldn’t be new age moonbat psychology like Lincoln and Matthew McConaughey. It would be a two hour rant with AWD inventing swear words cussing out Chinese bastids and illegal alien Mezcans who cannot PRY THEIR YELLOW AND BROWN ASSES OUT OF THE @#&* FAST LANE!!!!!

Or the crash du jour between a Chinese and a Mezcan that closes down the @#^& North Central Expressway!!!! Or the no-driving, texting, makeup puttin’ on retards that JUST HAVE TO SLOW DOWN TO A CRAWL TO LOOK AT THE @#&* WRECK!!!!! DO THEY REALLY WANT TO SEE BLOOD AND GUTS???? WELL, I’LL SHOW THEM SOME!!!! I HATE THEM SUMBITCHES!!!!!!! WORSE THAN A @#&* COW STANDING IN THE ROAD!!!!!

Sorry. Got a little worked up. But AWD’s driving experience is much different from Matthew McConaughey’s. Especially in Dallas. Maybe I should get a Lincoln!

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