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METROSEXUAL BEARDS OF TODAY = MULLETS OF THE 70’S

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HI, I'M LANCE AND I'LL BE YOUR GAY WAITER

HI, I’M LANCE AND I’LL BE YOUR GAY WAITER

I’m not sure where this metrosexual lumberjack beard thing started. Probably Nueva Jork or Mexifornia. Places full of sissified males who read GQ Magazine to learn how to be what they think are men. Like AWD has said on several occasions, if you have to read a mens fashion magazine to learn about being a man, you’re doing it all wrong, junior.

It seems that every time the filly and I go out to eat at a restaurant these days, our waiter looks like Paul Bunyan, only gayer. Instead of carrying an axe, they carry a moisturizing kit. And we can imagine the only ‘wood’ they are familiar with…and it ain’t found in the forest!

AWD Googled all this wussidity and actually found there is a term for all this bearded girly-man sh*t. These bearded Nancy-boys are called Lumbersexuals. I crap you negative.

Here’s what some website called Elite Daily says about these types:

The days of the well-groomed metrosexual man might soon be over as the “lumbersexual” trend takes precedence.

The lumbersexual man is essentially an urban woodsman.

He is brawny, wears expensive flannel, has an impressive beard that is painstakingly unkempt and represents the ultimate sense of manliness.

The look of the lumbersexual man can be described as something similar to a hipster-outdoorsman hybrid.

However, you won’t find him in the forest chopping down trees.

The lumbersexual man traded in his days of tree felling for hitting up hipster bars, and instead of wielding an axe, he now carries around a MacBook Pro.

This proves AWD’s theory on these Metrosexual poofter boys. They can’t be real men so they pretend to be real men. And wearing “expensive flannel” don’t make you no John Wayne, Lance!

AWD predicts that society will laugh at these bearded clam boys in a few years like we now scoff at the Mullet of the late 70’s and early 80’s. Of course, those of us with nothing to prove are scoffing like big dogs now at these fuzzy moisturizers. At least the Mullet was “business in the front, party in the back.” The lumbersexual is just gay all over. Huge gay.

Here’s Billy Ray Cyrus sporting a Mullet straight outta da trailer park:

the_greatest_mullets_640_17

Billy Ray’s spawn of Satan, Miley, shows the danger of ridiculously styled men and the danger to society they can do. At least we don’t have to worry about the Lumbersexuals procreating.

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