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Regrets and Absolution

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There’s nothing like a caption pic to set the tone of an article and this one is classic. We all have regrets in our lifetime, but in Slick’s case there’s more than a few. Money says he wished that he would have had Monica hum Dixie when they got together the night she wore that little blue dress. (Humming depresses the gag reflex, hence the real origin of the slang) I’d also bet that he wishes he had forced someone better looking than Webster Hubbell to father his daughter, but money and death threats can only go so far (Web has been long rumored to be Chelsea’s father) I know Bill, you wanted a thoroughbred but you got a draft horse instead. I’d also wager that you wish you could have added a few more names to that long “hit” list of people who pissed you off and died under mysterious and often fortuitous circumstances.

But your biggest regret has to be your choice of Hillary as a spouse. Hey Bill, I can feel your pain. It must have been really tough to climb under the covers with Cankles. You probably wanted to shower in DDT (if they still made it) every morning you woke up with her. They even have pictures of flies landing on Hillary during speeches so I can understand what you went through. I also know why you hate Donald Trump so much, especially after you take a nice long look at Melania. You must say to yourself, “what was I thinking?” It’s called player hate. Refuse to allow it to eat you up.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m sure that Hillary had a few good qualities. What better wife is there for a sexual predator and rapist? She’ll only get angry and throw a fit if you get caught, and then attack the victims instead of holding you responsible. Who else could you embarrass on an international stage and she stay with you? As for pure criminality and hypocrisy, she was your muse and confidant. Hell, you probably liked the same type of girls till she found Huma.

But now towards the end of your miserable life, you’ve been thinking about your choices. There’s no doubt Hillary will want to renew your wedding vows when both of you get to hell. Your real daddy will probably officiate. (Bill Clinton’s paternity is in deep question) You’ll have eternity to spend with her and even in the lap of luxury I’d call that well deserved payment for your many sins. I’m sure you think about this a lot right now.

You’ve probably considered converting to Catholicism, but confession would take years and you don’t have years to save your soul. Nobody will accept that you’ve been “born again” because you’ve used that scam one too many times.

There is one thing you can do. In the waning days of this election, do something that you’ve never done. Be honest and tell the rest of world the truth about your wicked witch of a wife. Convince her to withdraw her name from the coming election. The Almighty just might find a bit of mercy and allow you through the Pearly Gates. Otherwise it will be a long stretch in the hereafter with just you and Hillary on a deserted island that has no exit. Do the right thing.

 

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