All right, all right! AWD is going to admit it! I was going to pour over the news and bitch about Obama or Lurch Kerry or DB Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi or Hitlery Clintoon or the wussypants Republicans or that @#&* global warming but it’s purt near Springtime in Texas and AWD has chosen to participate in some highly-skilled creative loafing. It’s sunny and in the 60s here. So I pulled an Okey-Doke at work (backing out the door while saying “Okey-Doke, Okey-Doke”) which means don’t count on my big sexy rear end coming back today! I mean, AWD needs time to prepare for some industrial strength honky-tonking and big fun with my young filly this weekend.
So I perused some posts made way back in March of 2010 and ran across this chart-topper to repost for our newer Dudes and Dudettes. Y’all know AWD embraces diversity like a big dog so I was as giddy as a little school girl when Ricky Martin came out of the closet back in 2010 to announce his homo-sexule tendencies and his desires to see a big ol’ angry man-thang up close. Bless his gay little Mezcan heart! Oh, and there’s something about some Muslim idiot who cut off his unit.
So join AWD and let’s celebrate Ricky now that he’s Livin’ La Vida Homo! I’ll try to bitch about politics or lebanese womerns or something else after the sun goes down.
Angry White Dude has a refined sense of gay-dar! It’s highly accurate. Anytime I see a man who is better looking than AWD, I’m pretty sure he’s gay. But that doesn’t happen too often. Another surefire method is if a guy takes lavender bubble baths and has a cat named Mr. Mittens…you can pretty much know he’s been biting the pillow. I also have a great sense of black-dar….I can most times tell when someone is black. It’s a gift. AWD told his momma, Angry White Dudette, years ago that Ricky Martin had seen one up close. She wouldn’t believe me but now there can be no denying the supreme accuracy of AWD’s gay-dar! Ricky Martin today announced he is gay. On his webpage, Ricky writes:
A few months ago I decided to write my memoirs, a project I knew was going to bring me closer to an amazing turning point in my life. From the moment I wrote the first phrase I was sure the book was the tool that was going to help me free myself from things I was carrying within me for a long time. Things that were too heavy for me to keep inside. Writing this account of my life, I got very close to my truth (and my hairdresser’s big ol’ hairy butt!). And this is something worth celebrating.
Yes, Ricky, we’re all celebrating with you. Now you can join the Village People! You can play the character of the author who writes his memoirs. Can anyone believe Ricky Martin would have a memoir to write? I hope it’s on the Oprah Book of the Month Club real soon! Like AWD’s brother says, “those who you suspect the most usually are.” So Ricky Martin confirms AWD’s infinite powers of discovering homosexuals. Now for that sissified Brad Pitt!
Also, in related news, a Muslim teen cut off his unit because his burqa babe womern chose to ramadan with another Muslim dude. He chopped it off and threw it down a well. That’ll show her! The Jakarta Globe reports:
Sugeng Budi Susanto, director of Cilacap General Hospital, said on Monday that it was extremely fortunate that medical personnel were able to save the life of the teenager, who was identified only by the initials AMD.
He arrived at the hospital last Thursday in critical condition from blood loss, Sugeng said. “It was a critical time,” he said. “Cutting off a penis can be fatal.”
Really Doctor? It’s great they have such knowledgeable medical experts in Jakarta! Cutting off a penis can be fatal? Hell, it might as well be! What dude would want to live without one? Well, maybe Ricky Martin! The Jakarta doctor went on to say:
“The sliced-off penis has not been found,” the source said. “Allegedly, AMD (the teen’s initials…Angry Mutilated Dude) threw it into the well with the intention of committing suicide because he thought nobody would be able to save his life.”
Well, there isn’t much to tie a tourniquet onto, now is there? And if you want me to apply pressure? You gonna die, Kemo Sabe! And AWD always says nothing good comes out of Islam. This might qualify as the first. Now if AMD can convince a few hundred million more of his Muslim idiot brothers to do the same.
What does this story have to do with Ricky Martin? What’s the meaning of all this? I don’t know except AMD and Ricky Martin didn’t want to have units. Having a huge unit’s not all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, sometimes it is a living hell…believe me! And maybe that’s the moral of the story and a lesson for us all.
You can read about Rick Martin’s Living the Vida Homo right here.
Here’s the story of poor, wifeless, unitless AMD in Jakarta.
Here’s Ricky Martin when he was only Livin’ La Vida Loca:
And here’s Ricky with Robi Draco Rosa (AWD likes his music muchisimo) who were both in Menudo when they were yoots. AWD can actually sing (since I hablar espanol) and play this song on la guitarra. But I’m not gay.
Mas Y Mas