Even while we all love living in our multi-cultural diverse cornucopia of equality, for some reason the Olympics are allowed to focus solely on athletic achievement! Only three athletes are awarded medals in each sport. What about those who don’t win? How’s that supposed to make them feel? That is sooooo 20th Century! Oh, and racist.

Why should athletes like American swimmer Michael Phelps be allowed to win 22 gold medals? Why does he need 22 medals? Wouldn’t one be enough? But it’s like, oh he’s Michael Phelps and he’s so good and fast and the rest of you are slow and awful! I hate that mentality of hatred!

And what about those underprivileged swimmers from Ethiopia who didn’t enjoy the luxury and privilege of world-class training, balanced diet, excellent coaching, and water? Is it their fault they live in a desert and never learned to swim? Wouldn’t Ethiopians swim just as fast as Michael Phelps if they actually knew how to swim? And wouldn’t Ethiopians contribute greatly to the sport of swimming if they only lived near water? It’s racist to believe different so I say give every Ethiopian a gold medal for swimming. Take some from Mr Privilege Michael Phelps!

The Chinese mens and women (and LGBTI-EIEIO transexuals if China allows them) basketball teams face tremendous obstacles in their chosen sport. Most Chinese, by no fault of their own, don’t reach the knees of well-trained, privileged American and European basketball teams. However, this is not racist as most of the American basketball players are African-Americans.

To make things truly equal, all basketball teams from Western countries should be made to compete on their knees against Asian teams. That will go a long way in achieving equality and making the Asian teams feel better about themselves. And, after all, shouldn’t the Olympic games be about achieving true equality and evening the playing field for Chinese athletes. After the Olympics, they will have to return to China and eat a steady diet of Moo Shoo Poodle. And the Communist government of China has already established the “No Rice For You” law for any Chinese athlete who doesn’t win a medal. We can greatly help Chinese athletes by giving each of them a medal!

It is not only culturally insulting but also racist and sexist for females from Muslim countries to compete against their Western competition in beach volleyball. Immoral Western women volleyball players play in bikinis with their butts in plain view for the world to see. How insulting and insensitive can these Western women be? Muslim women have never been exposed to bikinis. Most have never seen buttocks, even their own. So it’s impossible for them to fully concentrate on volleyball when all they see is the exposed behinds of Western women.


This Western behavior is just so awful and yucky! Like anyone really wants to look at the butts of these infidels!

How can the Olympics be so culturally insensitive to Muslim athletes? And worse yet, Muslim athletes are made to compete against evil Jooooos! Yes, every Muslim athlete deserves a gold medal for having the strength and integrity to be in such close proximity to infidels and Jooos during the Olympics without killing them!

Yes, it breaks AWD’s heart to witness the hostile and unequal environment of hatred of the Olympics! In my view, there are no losers. They are all winners! Even those from Third World countries who have never actually tried their sport before the Olympics.

You must admire the grit and determination of Chinese diver Wang Chung. Yes, he did a complete back flop in the diving event but it was one of the most artistic back flops I’ve ever seen. And that was the first dive he ever attempted! I say give Wang a gold medal for trying!

I believe in multiculturalism, diversity, and equality of results. Let’s face it. Who will ever remember Michael Phelps and his stupid 22 medals in a year? Oh sure, he trained 14 hours a day and overcame chemical dependency and beat all the other swimmers and yada yada.

But all those athletes who didn’t win will feel shame the rest of their lives even though they, by no fault of their own, never had a chance to win. Plus, the Chinese athletes who didn’t win will get no rice. I don’t know if I want to live in a world where only the best win and those who don’t won’t feel good about themselves. Plus not get their rice.

Because, in the end, it’s not about hard work, sacrifice, determination, and perfect execution in sports or life. It’s about making people feel good about themselves. And isn’t that the goal of the multicultural world of equality we have worked so hard to achieve?

Please join me in singing.


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