Tide clothes washing detergent has joined the band of male-bashing commercials these days with the “Stay At Home Dad” (or Looo-saaah) commercial and the “You Suck At Folding Clothes” commercial. As usual, the mom is the expert and can do everything perfectly while the loser, white dad can’t even fold his kid’s clothes!

I hate this commercial. The nerdy, goofy looking womern who’d never get pregnant in my household has all the answers while her subservient, metrosexual (read: homosexual in a metro) husband laughs when she insults him. Oh, how funny it is to be insulted by your ugly wife! I’d prefer she just bake me a pie! Here’s the commercial:

Let the Big Sexy tell you one damn thing. Folding clothes ain’t no job for a man. Making money to buy kid’s clothes is. For generations, sensitive men have tried to devolve into being sensitive women and they’ve never done better than a D. Men weren’t born to fold clothes or run a @#&* vacuum cleaner. We were built to be warriors. Perform a surprise attack on the next tribe, kill all the men and take the women captive…so you have more women to fold clothes! Since it’s nearly impossible to take over countries these days like in Braveheart, men must do their battle in the field of business. But I guaran-damn-tee you, none of the captains of American industry ever concerned themselves that they couldn’t fold up their toddler’s clothing to their wives liking.

Here’s a little secret for you fillies who think men are incapable of doing menial tasks like wrapping presents. Early in AWD’s married career with wife #1, AWD was asked to wrap some Christmas presents. There is nothing AWD likes doing LESS than wrapping presents except for repeatedly stabbing myself in the head with a fork. And, even so, it’s a close second. So AWD did a spectacularly sh*tty job on the few presents he wrapped. Something awful that you’d expect from a government worker. AWD’s wife #1 saw them and told me “you suck at wrapping presents.” I replied, “oh yeah? Let’s see you do better!” She wrapped the presents perfectly while AWD esconsced himself on the couch to nap and watch the ball game. And, since then, AWD has NEVER wrapped another present and never will. Score one for American males.

Personally, AWD doesn’t give a rat if any of my presents are wrapped or not. Just give me the goods and leave me alone! Same goes for folding clothes. My filly loves to have everything just perfect in the drawers. I just need to know where to find it. So AWD doesn’t fold clothes either. Nor vacuum. Nor clean the house. AWD brings home the cash American, the filly keeps the house clean and doesn’t bug me. I don’t criticize the way she folds clothes and she doesn’t criticize how I do my bidness.

Tide is guilty of furthering the idea that the white American male is an idiot incapable of breathing without being reminded to inhale and exhale. It wasn’t clothes folding nerdy women-folk who won this country’s wars, built its factories or created the foundations of America. Not to say that women had no part in building America. They did. Doing things that women do better than men. Like growing perfect, bodacious breasts. And nurturing and nursing children. And keeping the family in the road while the male was out killing Indians. Casino, not call center.

The males you see in Tide commercials are of the metrosexual (homosexual in a metro) persuasion. They’re in touch with their inner feelings. I don’t know what that really means but I’m pretty sure it means they don’t have any firearms. And are most likely gay. They’re like the poofters you see in Progressive Insurance commercials. Feminine and worthless.

The last time the filly asked me what clothes washing detergent she should buy when we were Wal-Marting, AWD said “look into these eyes. Does it look like I give a sh*t? I’m going to buy some bullets and some 5W30. Get whatever you want. Just don’t forget to buy me some grits!” I don’t tell her how to do her job….and she doesn’t ask me to do her job!

Tide can kiss my big ol’ ass. They suck at commercials. Just more male-bashing trash to try and teach young boys they should grow up to be girls.


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