Ohhhhh shama lama ding dong, infidels. The Imam’s heart is sad. My heart is as heavy as the weight of 1000 homosexuals hanging from a bridge. While a happy sight, 1000 homosexuals dangling would be heavy, yes? It’s not easy being a jihadist these days with your President Obama in office! So the Imam is here to deliver a warning to infidel Americans and President Obama from my homies in jihad, ISIS.
ISIS has tried everything to get Obama to stop bombing ISIS in Iraq as we take over the country and install a circa 15th Century caliphate. But the man is impossible! He is a stone! It appears he cannot be broken! To date, to get Obama from bombing ISIS, we have:
- Murdered thousands of Christian infidels in Iraq and destroyed their churches and homes
- Murdered thousands of Sunni infidels in Iraq and destroyed their mosques and tents
- Beheaded everything with a head, including children. If you could find a beer in Iraq, we would decapitate the head.
- Crucified Christians after torturing them worse than we torture our wives
- Massacred Iraqi forces after they have surrendered. By the way, the Iraqi military would lose a war with France!
- Raped the women of the men we have massacred and sold them into slavery. Don’t get excited, Al Sharpton
- Cut off the tingly parts of the women we have captured
- Married the captured 7 year old daughters of our enemies
- Decapitated American infidel reporter James Foley and posted the video on YouTube
Has any of that softened the heart of stone of Obama? Not a chance! Let me tell you, infidels! We’re almost out of barbaric ideas for atrocities we can commit to get Obama to stop bombing us! Almost!
ISIS even took up-close photos with our ObamaPhones of the White House and government buildings in Barackistan (Chicago) and tweeted threats to attack them. Anything from Obama? Nada! It’s enough to make Muhammad curse!
So we at ISIS are pulling out all the stops! We’re going to hit Obama at the one place that he loves and cherishes above all others. A place so hallowed and sacred to him that he immediately takes solice there after we behead Americans. The only place where he will immediately cease all bombings. No, not the White House, infidels. That’s only a place to party with rappers!
So President Obama, I am declaring a jihad on you and that which is closest to your stone-cold heart! Our jihad will show no mercy to you! We will attack you in the one place where you will beg for mercy from the soldiers of Allah in ISIS. President Obama,
ALL YOUR GOLF COURSES ARE BELONG TO US!
Any further bombings of ISIS forces anywhere in the world will result in the immediate destruction of golf courses! We will show no mercy! We will allow no mulligans if another bomb is dropped on ISIS!
To let you know we are serious, ISIS has captured someone very close to you, President Obama. If you do not respond to our message by noon tomorrow, we will execute our prisoner! Recognize her, President Obama?
President Obama, this is your last warning to stop the bombing of the holy warrior jihadis of ISIS. Do not attempt to locate your precious Bertha! Do not attempt to send in the SEALS or other Special Forces for a rescue. I will remind you of what happened when Maliki tried to rescue one of his precious golf clubs!
President Obama, do not make us torture and kill your precious Bertha! We do not enjoy killing. Haha…who am I fooling? Yes, of course we enjoy killing and will gladly kill your Bertha after we scrape her on the cart path for a few holes or hit a few balls off of a sprinkler head! Yes, we are prepared to be that brutal!
The choice is yours, President Obama. Plus, you are supposed to be on our side anyway! Stop all bombings immediately! Because, from this moment, all your golf courses are belong to us!
To convince you of our sincerity, I will leave you and all infidel Americans in the Great Satan with the Dance of the Executed Golf Club! This song by Abdul al Haquer is currently the number one hit in Afghanistan…even though they don’t know what golf is! Hell, they don’t know what bathing is either!
Oh, and infidels, I hate you!
Angry White Imam