Americans have many theories about who’s been flying drones above cities and military bases for the past couple of weeks. It’s perplexing since the US government has not yet offered an explanation (re: lies) about what the drones are doing and who do they belong to? It’s like the Druids of Stonehenge. No one knew who they were. Or what they were doing. The little people of Stonehenge.
One theory is the drones are alien crafts gathering intelligence on Earthlings and our shit. A couple things here. Aliens wouldn’t need two weeks to uncover what passes for intelligence in America anymore. All they’d have to do is watch The View for a few minutes and they’d high-tail it back to Uranus or wherever they came from. Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar have that effect on most Earthlings, too.
Going further with the aliens hypothesis. Others say it could be illegal aliens flying the drones. This, of course, is preposterous. Now maybe if they were driving a ’72 EconoDrone with 27 ladders strapped to it and 28 illegal aliens in the thing, you might have something there, Einstein. Now throw a few dozen Modelo cerveza cans out the windows and Ding! Ding! Ding! No more calls! We have a wiener!
Others are certain it is Iran and/or China on the drone stealing all of The Great Satan’s secrets. This, too, is a bit far fetched as Iran and the Chinese already have every Top Secret document or technology in America. If they’re missing a few, President Corn Pop has a month to get the rest sent over. Hell, the Chinese are now filling the US military with Chinese soldiers as seen in the recent news report about an entire recruiting office in Mexifornia being operated by little Chinese bug f*ckers with all reading and testing materals being written in, you guessed it, Chinese! Shit, they don’t need drones! Another election cycle or two and the Dems will be running Long Duk Dong as their nominee.
As you might guess, the Big Sexy over here has his own hypostulated and combustulated theory about those drones. Now, AWD doesn’t know much about drones but I do have a buddy who has one and was trying to show me how to fly the damn thing and do all kinds of dronical astronautical maneuvers. Right before he flew the damn thing into a tree and couldn’t get it down. About right for my friends.
Here’s AWD’s theory. I think it’s Bill Clinton controlling them damn drones. He’s worn out and bored at home trying to keep up with Hillary’s list of people she wants Arkancided these days. I believe ‘un-alived’ is the proper nomenclature among young people. And ‘idiot morons’ is the proper nomenclature to describe nearly all young people these days. Back to Bubba Clintoon. Like AWD said, he’s old and bored and he probably got a few photos of Melania’s undies from his buddies after the FBI went through Melania’s Mara Lago bedroom/boudoir. Photos like that would get Bubba as worked up as that BLM cat in New York after Daniel Penny was found innocent. No, not because said BLM cat gave a rat’s ass about the thug who was choked out. He’s upset because he’s the only BLM cat not to walk away after George Floyd without a free mansion or three. AWD’s theory continues with Bubba calling over some of his prevert buddies like ex-NYC Congressman Anthony Weiner, any number of current or past politicians and bureaucrats and let the games begin. Bubba gets first dibs on hovering that sumbitch drone outside Melania’s bedroom window while the rest can zoom in on local universities and the women’s basketball team showers. Ummm..on second thought…might want to make it the women’s volleyball team or you’re going to be looking at some 7 foot lebanese using the old loofah in a way never intended by bathing and scrubbing expert, Mr Loofah. Hell, Hillary might want to get some of that drone action in that case! But not the Obamas. No explanation needed.
Now AWD could be completely wrong. After all, my smartest compadre lost his drone to a damn angry white oak tree. But if we’ve learned anything over the past 25 or so years, if there’s a good looking babe with a juicy bootay in proximity, you better believe Bubba Clintoon is fully aware and dialed in. And if the US military isn’t going to shoot down a drone flying over it’s war toys, you know they’re not going to do a damn thang about Bill Clinton hovering his new drone outside of Melania’s bedroom for weeks at a time! And the use of a drone gives him new options for fun and keeps him from driving down to the cigar store for his old tried-and-tested tobaccular tools with Monica. Yes. Yesss. It’s all pointing to Bill Clinton. I should win a damn award.
Or, hell, it could be the Deep State getting ready to drop the next Covid bullshit virus on us. Or even some nerve agent that will turn us into some unimaginable horrible disfigured monster like Michael Moore. It may even be my buddy who just figured he’d turn some loop dee loops somewhere that doesn’t have trees. As for now, I’m sticking with Clinton and his merry band of wankers (an Englishter word). And that Mara Lago does have a bunch of tasty babes in and out of the joint on a regular basis. Yep, all dirty little fingers point to Bubba Clinton!
Y’all can try to persuade me to your dumb ass ideas about the drones but we all know AWD is right.
And for some Music That Doesn’t Suck, here’s Stonehenge by Spinal Tap. Knowledgeable readers would have recognized what AWD did at the end of the first paragraph. The other ones are a bunch of uncultured goat ropers who don’t know music. Or history. And ohhh, how they dahnced.